I realized that I have not been relying on the grace of God like I should be. See, God's grace is there because we aren't expected to be perfect. I'm not expected to be perfect...
(except by me!)
No matter how much I have been learning about God's grace over the past year, I still find myself striving to get "better", striving to be "less depressed", striving to "be" whoever it is that God wants me to be.
My common question to God is: "Am I ever going to 'get' it right?" I am looking for a destination to "arrive" at. I am seeking an "end point" to my journey. I am looking to fulfill some expectation I have put on myself. I have to strive to be someone other than who I am.
With all my striving and effort placed on changing myself and my behaviors, I have diverted my attention from God to myself. In the moment, I would tell you that I am just trying to be more Christ-like, more in sync with God, trying to line up my will and emotions with God.
My common question to God is: "Am I ever going to 'get' it right?" I am looking for a destination to "arrive" at. I am seeking an "end point" to my journey. I am looking to fulfill some expectation I have put on myself. I have to strive to be someone other than who I am.
With all my striving and effort placed on changing myself and my behaviors, I have diverted my attention from God to myself. In the moment, I would tell you that I am just trying to be more Christ-like, more in sync with God, trying to line up my will and emotions with God.
Talk about a deception!
And THEN I wonder why I fall so hard in defeat and despair and depression! I can't MAKE myself "better". I can't change my behavior, permanently, on my own. But what I can do is:
And THEN I wonder why I fall so hard in defeat and despair and depression! I can't MAKE myself "better". I can't change my behavior, permanently, on my own. But what I can do is:
Cling to Jesus.
Lean on Him.
Seek Him.
Meditate on God's Word.
Worship & praise His holy name.
Confess God's promises in my life.
Declare TRUTH...Jesus.
Get to know TRUTH.
Lean on Him.
Seek Him.
Meditate on God's Word.
Worship & praise His holy name.
Confess God's promises in my life.
Declare TRUTH...Jesus.
Get to know TRUTH.
When my focus is on loving and getting to know Jesus and who HE wants to be for me, the focus is automatically shifted from myself to Him. As I meditate on His truths, HE begins to change me from the inside out.
But
NONE
of
that
can
happen
if
I
...just keep striving...
Soooooooooooo...
you
need
to...
just quit striving...
just quit striving!
But
NONE
of
that
can
happen
if
I
...just keep striving...
Soooooooooooo...
you
need
to...
just quit striving...
just quit striving!
Nice blog, Heaven! This life on earth can and will be rough at times. We need to learn to concentrate on taking one stroke at a time, not looking ahead to the completed swim--it can be far too scary for that!
ReplyDeleteI am new to your blog and wanted to say I have enjoyed looking around.
ReplyDeleteLove it Heaven! Needed to hear this.... Kelly
ReplyDeleteHeaven- Beautiful vulnerabilities and truths shared. That is what we should be. Not pretending to be strong when we are not feeling such. God wants us in touch with our feelings, otherwise we are plastic and living a lie. You are courageous and strong...because you are not afraid to be honest and real. That's why I enjoy your blog.:)
ReplyDeleteAs for "Am I ever going to get it right?" I can share that there is no single human being out there who has or ever will. Anyone who says they have gotten it right, is lying to you. You don't see them when no one is watching. That's why Christ told Peter "“I tell you, Peter, before the rooster crows today, you will deny three times that you know me.” Anyone of us that gets too sure of ourselves, in our human abilities, lacks humility. We are all a work in progress and always will be. :)
Keep being real. "Real" Christians struggle also, struggle to understand things about life and struggle to understand God's plans. And most importantly, and none is perfect. Run toward the hills if ever a Christian approaches you as if they are perfect.
You are exactly where you need to be right now in your journey...growing. Every day we grow...and we never fully arrive, until we are with our Father.
Peace and Love.
-Ella
I love this. I love Dorie and the words just keep swimming and your post...to never stop striving.
ReplyDelete